A Wish for Niisama
by Caorann fridh Bronach
Summary: Mokuba vowed to wait on his brother forever once Seto lost to Yugi and his heart was shattered. However, even with a vow, the mind can give heartwrenching questions and desires that are hard to control.


Author's Note: "Niisama" is the formal way of saying big brother, while "oniichan" is the cute way of saying it. Also, I use "" (double quotation marks) for speech and ''(single quoatations marks) for thoughts.

A Wish for Niisama

'Niisama's going to wake up any day now, just like Yugi promised.'

Carefully, ever so gently, Mokuba wet a rag and washed his brother's face. Despite the fact that this was his beloved brother, that he knew Seto was finding his heart, the look of ultimate shock and horror on Seto's face always made Mokuba nervous.

For days, countless days, always the mouth hung agape and the eyes stared glassily out. It was nothing pleasing Seto saw. Mokuba was certain. How could Mokuba believe his brother was getting any better?

'If I saw horrors all the time, I think I would want to hide or just die. The other Yugi said that he was putting together his heart.' Mokuba's thoughts paused. 'What if the puzzle is too hard for nii-sama? What if he doesn't have a whole heart?'

As much as the vice president did not believe that, the thought constantly crept into his thoughts and gave him grief. What would happen if his brother never awoke?

Sure, being a vice president of a company was enjoyable when it gave him prestige, power, and wealth, but what if he actually had to do something with it? His older brother had always been the one to deal with the company, especially recently when Seto had wanted nothing to do with him.

"I've felt your pathetic, clinging, loser's gaze all my life, Mokuba!"

His older brother's words still echoed in the pre-teen's mind as he recalled that day of the Kaiba Death-T experience. He had done just as his brother had predicted—had _wanted_—and lost the match with the other Yugi.

All Mokuba had wanted was to be a gamer like his brother so that Seto might actually like him. After all, there was little he could do in the business world to make his brother notice him, so he had turned to his brother's next obsession: games. But still, Seto despised and hated him.

'Why, niisama?' Mokuba continued sadly. 'Why didn't you just get rid of me?'

There were ways. Mokuba himself had used a poison on Jonouchi. No one had cared. So, why not Seto on him?

It was those unanswerable thoughts that kept Mokuba by his brother's chair-side as he kept Seto clean and neat. It did not matter if the tasks were sometimes unpleasant; they were done in the simple love Mokuba was accursed with. The love of a brother who did not love him back.

'Maybe someday,' the boy thought with a clogged throat. 'Maybe someday you will return and not despise me. I don't ask for much. I just want you not to hate me anymore.'

But, if thoughts could be willpower, the entire world would be overrun with sudden changes of personality and chaos. It was unlikely his brother would react to his desire however strong it was.

As his hand crept over to hold Seto's unresponsive fingers, Mokuba blinked back one tear from his eye. "Oniichan, I wish you were back."

The thoughts always went in some sort of vicious cycle.

First, he would be hopeful—was that a blink of the eye? had his finger just twitched? would today his brother awaken? Then, everything in the short boy of the black hair went tense and still as the yearning almost overcame him. Always, always, his brother disappointed him.

So, then he would be forced to think of the next indication. It was very possible his brother would let him down again. When had Seto ever done anything to encourage Mokuba? The last time had probably been in the orphanage when he taught him chess.

'What if niisama never returns? What if he doesn't _want_ to find his heart?'

Then there was the option of _that_. And why had Mokuba not done it yet? Anyone surely would have considered it. But not him. It was almost a selfish desire or a need for vengeance that kept the boy from pulling the cord. Seto needed to wake up and see what he had done if he were not going to change. Too often he had ignored his little brother and if he were to just pass away in peace, Mokuba would be infuriated.

Of course, next came the guilt. 'Niisama needs me now more than ever! I can't think of revenge, for then…I'll be like him.'

There would be breaks, times when he had to do other things. While this was a relief, it was also torture. What if his brother were waking up right now? Gradually, he learned to control the urge to run back to the room and check on Seto.

At night, as the day was fading and Mokuba sat down by his side once more, the tears were trapped in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, niisama. Maybe you don't want to come back because of me. Maybe I _am_ just a loser and a dog. That's why you've stayed away so long. After all, you're the one who said until I learn to accept that there is no such thing as brotherly love in the gaming world, I will always be a loser. But if I didn't believe in brotherly love…"

Seto would no longer be in such struggles or difficulties. Maybe, if he were unplugged, he would find some kind of rest. This bitter struggle to right a puzzle was not only harming him, but also Mokuba.

'I'm sorry you hate me, niisama. I wish I could make you like me. I wish I could free you myself or take your place. I know _you _wouldn't hesitate to take the action and move on.'

Naturally, there were the dreams that came as Mokuba imagined his older brother finally free once more. Not only free, but changed to how he had been at the orphanage. There, a small smile flitted onto Seto's face at the sight of his younger brother and Seto's arms opened wide.

Yet, those were just dreams. And sometimes, the dreaming was better than the complete shock of reality where everything was wrong. There, in the darkness of night, the boy would guiltily be thanking fate that his brother has not yet awakened and perhaps never would.

The next day, Mokuba would return to his brother's side and silently beg him to wake.

end


End file.
